The kids are eating the chocolates faster than I can make them. 

Weston (yells from the kitchen): Which ones have nuts??

Heard from the rest of the house—

Mike: I HAVE NUTS!

Dallin: I HAVE NUTS!

Levi: I HAVE NUTS!

Mom: I DON’T HAVE ANY NUTS!!!!!!

 Dallin: How come you can and I can’t?

Me: Beacuse I’m a grown up and I can do what ever I want!

Dallin: Well you have to pay taxes and I don’t. 

 Dallin: Can we go to the store? 

Me: It’s closes in 24 minutes. It takes 10 minutes to get there  

Dallin: So let’s go. 

Mike: You’d only have 5 minutes to shop!

Dallin: That’s not math!

 Me: Have you made any friends at work?

Weston: No, but I have made an enemy. 

 Levi: Weston! That’s rude! Only I can say that, because I’m the youngest. 

and

“Of all the things that taste like chicken, eggs are not one of them”. 

Beach volleyball is my favorite Olympic sport. I was watching with Levi when the cameraman got a close up of the woman’s behind in her little bikini bottom. 

Levi: woah. 

Me: It’s like they are only interested in covering their butthole. 

Levi: Well it also covers her front no-no square. 

 Scene at a garage sale-

Levi: Excuse me? How much is this platypus?

Lady: That’s a duck! And he’s $7. If you squeeze him he quacks. See? *quack* If it quacks, it’s a duck. 

Levi: I can quack. Does that make me a duck? 

*walks away quacking*