Ah the sights and sounds of Christmas-

“Momma, I dropped my nutcracker’s head into my hot chocolate”.
-Levi, age 5

Levi: Hey Ma, What’s weirder: Lady Gaga or belly button butt cheeks?

D: This is my white print. 

Me: A what?

D: A white print. It’s like a blue print but I only had white paper. 

So I’m out shopping with Levi and we see a Hanukkah display.

Levi: Look mommy, Honda!

Me: You mean Hanukkah. 

Levi: (sings) Happy Honda-days 🎶 

December 2011:
I noticed today that I have 5 wholly guacamole coupons that are about to expire. So we went to target and woohoo they are on sale!  Now Dallin and I are in guacamole heaven with our 5 boxes of guacamole.
P.S. There just might not be anything cuter than a 2 year old asking "More gak-a-mo-EE"

Me: I’m going to go take a shower. Play nice.
Overheard from Dallin 30 seconds later: Do you dare me to go down the stairs like this??

Levi held the door open for someone and she said in a thick southern accent: Thank you Darlin’
Levi: I’m not Dallin.

After lights out-
Child 1: I need a drink of water.
Child 2: I need a bandaid.
Child 1: I need my toenails trimmed.

Just when you think you've got the boys settled down and ready for bed.... somebody farts.

Blast from the past: 2009- Weston, being dragged to brush his teeth calling out, "DALLIN, SAVE ME!!"

Weston: Mom, why isn't Tennessee called West Carolina?

Dallin: You know what I like about you mom? Well, I like a lot of things about you... but do you want to know one of them?
It's that you save trash for me.

Weston: Mom, do you want to hear about the giant spider creatures on Star Wars Rebels?
Mom: No.
Weston: Well, the Rebels were looking for a new base and they found this abandoned planet...

Dallin: Mommy, when you were little did you want to grow up to be nothing? ☹️

Dallin: Mommy, when you were little did you want to grow up to be nothing? ☹️

I showed Dallin a picture of him in our dining room of the Maryland house and he says "I remember that wall. I used to throw my peas at it."

Mike: Why is their toothpaste on the mirror? Did you spit your toothpaste on the mirror??
Dallin: Well... yes. Sometimes I do things and I don't know why I do them.

Levi: Jerky is turkey that was a jerk.

Levi: A jestski is a motorcycle boat.

Levi: I could really use a count down right about now.

Dallin: My scooter!!! I haven't played on this in YEARS! Maybe a decade! MAYBE 2 DECADES!

Dallin: Mom I got you a flower!
(He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a shriveled dead dandelion.)
Dallin: oh man! It's dead. I picked it at recess today.

While checking out at Lowe's, Levi climbed up on a stack of outdoor love seats and toppled the whole thing over. Everyone watched in horror as Levi went down with the pile. On the ground and under the fallen chairs, Levi calls out "Now it's a fort"!!

Weston: Hey mom, all prisons have a guy who knows how to get things.

Weston and I were playing around when he calls out "you are a feisty woman"!!

Weston: Mom, you know those boxer underwear ...?
Dad: (overhearing and misunderstanding) Lobster underwear?
Weston: Lobsters don't even wear underwear!!

Overheard: If you mess with the Dallin, you're going to get tickled.

Levi likes to make his hand into a fist and call it his hammer. He will hammer you or hammer himself. We were in the grocery store and he yells out "I AM SO HAMMERED"!

Weston: (speaking in a dreamy voice to his cotton candy) It's so soft. It's like insulation you can touch.

Dad: Non-toxic is not the same as eatable!

The boys are playing checkers.
Dallin: this is my rook.
Levi: this is my rook, this is my king, and this is my princess.
Weston: Levi, your piece is in checkmate.
(Emphasis on the fact that these are checkers pieces)

Weston: do they make people sized 3-D printers?
Mike: yes.
Weston: I could make a life sized ME!?!
Me: What are you going to do with a life sized Weston?
Weston: It would be Sooo HANDSOME!!