I was reading a book to the kids before bed and I read the word “badass”. 

Weston: wait. what?

Dallin: Did mom just say the “a” word?!?

Levi: Technically no. She said “badass”, which is one word that starts with a “b”.

 Weston to his brothers: I’ll give this lollipop to whoever says a cuss word first. 

Dallin: HELL!

Weston: That word doesn’t count because mom says it. 

Levi: ASS!

 Me: It’s stupid cold and I have to go to the stupid gym to exercise my stupid body and get stupid sore and everything is stupid and I hate it. 

Dallin: You look like you need a hug. *hugs me*

Dallin: Mom, could you NOT plan something for your anniversary? Or if you do, could you plan it for the week before or week after?

Me: Our anniversary is 7 months away. 

Dallin: I know! I made surprise plans for you, before you had a chance to make plans. Smart, huh? 

 Man jogs down the beach. 

Levi: He’s running from the police. 

—

At a friends house. Levi runs through the room and passes the dog and says “Hey kid, you want some drugs?” And then continues to run passed. 

Last night at dinner Weston says, "what would you do if you could fly?" And as everyone contemplated their answers, Levi says, "I'd disrupt the flight patterns of migrating birds"

😳😳😳

WHAT?!?

I put a quote up on a white board: Be brave enough to suck at something new.

I figured I’d put something up for us to discuss and ponder on every so often. 

Then yesterday, something happened and I exclaimed, “I’m the worst mom ever!” Levi replied, Well, at least you were brave enough to suck at parenting.

 Conversation at dinner:

Me: I'm just the weird and awkward one. 

Mike: I'm happy I married the weird and awkward one. 

Me: I'm glad you didn't write one of those tribute posts on Facebook for our anniversary.

 Dallin: Sometimes kids tease me for being short. But the thing is, you grow when you sleep and I think sleeping is a waste of time. 

 Levi: Mom, can I have a drink of your soda?

Me: No. 

Levi: *sigh* Here lies Levi. DEAD because of his mother’s selfishness. ☠️

 Levi starts crying from the back porch. 

Mike: What happened?

Dallin: Ok, don’t jump to conclusions, but in my defense…

 Thrift store shopping with my kids-

Levi: MOM! There’s Indian people over here. 

Other shopper gives me a horrified look. 

Dallin goes to investigate…

Dallin: Levi, those are Native American dolls. 

 Seminary teacher: Does anyone have any questions about marriage?

Weston: What if you fall in love with someone and it turns out they are vegan?

 Picking Weston up from school-

Me: I just saw a chocolate lab!

Weston: Where?

Me: Just around the corner. We will probably see it on the way out. 

…..there it is. 

Weston: Oh, it’s a dog. I was expecting someone experimenting with with chocolate.

 Child: Mom will you buy this for me?

Me: Nope. You’ll have to ask Santa. 

Child: But you ARE Santa!!

Me: Then I guess you’re out of luck!

 D: I’ve got that memory loss song stuck in my head. 

Me: Memory loss song?

D: 🎼Y’all gonna make me lose my mind up in here up in here.

 As we drove past this sidewalk on the way to school, Levi says, “That would be a great place to have a date”.  

And then-

“You may call me a hopeless romantic, but I say you’re just hopeless”.

 D: Mom I have a bloody nose. 

Mom: Don’t stick your fingers in there!

D: It wasn’t my finger, it was Levi’s. 

 W: Mom, what’s it like having boobs?

Me: Kinda lame. 

W: Really? Why?

Me: They bounce around when I run. And I can’t keep daddy’s hands off them. 

Levi: 🤮

Dallin: 🤣

Weston: ☠️

 I had a spectacular fall skiing with Dallin and Levi. I just layer there in a pile of skis, poles, and limbs. 

Dallin: YARD SALE!

Levi: Dead body report!

 At a ski resort and Dallin and Levi are playing in the snow on the balcony. 

Levi: I want to take this ski pole and use it as a javelin and throw it onto the other balcony!

Mike: Thank you for saying it and not doing it. 

Levi: Why would I DO that?!?

Mike: Have you met your brother, Dallin?

Kid (I can’t remember if it was Dallin or Levi): if there is such a thing as butt cheeks, is there such a thing as vagina cheeks?