The boys are playing checkers.
Dallin: this is my rook.
Levi: this is my rook, this is my king, and this is my princess.
Weston: Levi, your piece is in checkmate.
(Emphasis on the fact that these are checkers pieces)

Weston: do they make people sized 3-D printers?
Mike: yes.
Weston: I could make a life sized ME!?!
Me: What are you going to do with a life sized Weston?
Weston: It would be Sooo HANDSOME!!

You have a heart in your body and a crack in your butt. -Levi

After Dallin and Levi bonked, Dallin says "That was Super Painful"!

Mom: is that your super hero name? "SUPER PAINFUL TO THE RESCUE!"

He is the cause of and solution to all your problems. 

Weston: I didn't want ham in my quesadilla!!

Me: That's not ham, it's unicorn meat. 

Weston: ....It's delicious!

Levi calls lasagna "weezangna".

Me: When I was a kid, the only thing cell phones could do was make a phone call. 

Weston: That sounds stupid.