D: Mom I have a bloody nose. 

Mom: Don’t stick your fingers in there!

D: It wasn’t my finger, it was Levi’s. 

 W: Mom, what’s it like having boobs?

Me: Kinda lame. 

W: Really? Why?

Me: They bounce around when I run. And I can’t keep daddy’s hands off them. 

Levi: 🤮

Dallin: 🤣

Weston: ☠️

 I had a spectacular fall skiing with Dallin and Levi. I just layer there in a pile of skis, poles, and limbs. 

Dallin: YARD SALE!

Levi: Dead body report!

 At a ski resort and Dallin and Levi are playing in the snow on the balcony. 

Levi: I want to take this ski pole and use it as a javelin and throw it onto the other balcony!

Mike: Thank you for saying it and not doing it. 

Levi: Why would I DO that?!?

Mike: Have you met your brother, Dallin?

Kid (I can’t remember if it was Dallin or Levi): if there is such a thing as butt cheeks, is there such a thing as vagina cheeks? 

Me: *knocks on bathroom door* I win! I took a shower, shaved my legs, got dressed and you are still sitting on the floor of the bathroom playing with your penis. 

Child: *giggle* It’s fun! You should get one!!

 Levi: Mom, would you rather be breathed on by a dragon or farted on by a cow?

Me: Is the dragon nice?

Levi: No. 

Me: I guess I pick the cow. 

Levi: The cow isn’t nice either.