Dad: Where is Weston?
Mom: In the bathroom going poo. Do you want to know how I know he is going poo?
Dad: How?
Mom: There was lots of dramatic grunting followed by an "I GOT IT!"

Most kids learning to speak mispronounce the letter "L" by replacing it with a "W" sound. Dallin replaces it with they "y" sound.
Yiddle
Yight
Yevi

'Twas the night before Christmas and the children wanted to know what was for dinner. The mommy replied, "Kraft Macaroni and Cheese". And there was much rejoicing.

Looking over a book about space, Weston points out "Venus rhymes with penis".

Giving Levi a diaper change:
Step 1: Gather supplies. New diaper, vaseline for the circumcision, diaper rash cream and wipes. Also  grab a another adult, as this is a 2-person job.
Step 2: Open up new diaper and coat the front with vaseline to prevent the circumcision from sticking.
Step 3: Undress baby and pry his legs out of fetal position. This is difficult.
Step 4: Remove diaper and clean poo from butt. Put new diaper under him.
Step 5: Shield yourself from pee that shoots fast and as far as 5 feet (we've measured the splatter pattern).
Step 6: Grab nearest burp cloth to cover penis and sop up puddles that are within reach. (One handed as you are still trying to hold his feet away from circumcised penis).
Step 7: Clean up the poo that came out along with the pee.
Step 8: Grab new diaper and apply vaseline to the front.
Step 9: Apply apply cream to butt and vaseline to circumcision.
Step 10: Send second adult to find another outfit, as this one is now peed on.
Step 11: Dress baby.
Step 12: Repeat steps 2-11 because he just pooped in his diaper again before you could get him dressed.

Weston: what temperature does it need to be to snow?
Mom: 32 degrees
Weston: Would you check the weather online and see if it's 32 degrees?  If it's not, just use your mouse to highlight the numbers, press 'delete' and type in '32'.

Weston pokes his head inside from playing in the snow and says, "I just told Heavenly Father to make it snow faster and it worked!"

First time out to dinner with 3 children:

Mom: Dallin sit down.
Weston: My tooth is loose.
Levi: zzzzzzzzzzz.....
Mom: Dallin, eat your dinner.
Mom: Weston, eat your dinner.
Mom: Dallin, don't play with the sugar packets. Eat your dinner.
Weston: MY TOOTH CAME OUT!
Levi: *cries*
Mom: Weston, stop playing with your tooth or you are going to drop it.
Weston: (to the waitress) LOOK! I lost my tooth!!!
Mom: Dallin, turn around and eat your dinner!
Weston: I dropped my tooth!!
Mom: (to the waitress) May we have a cup with a lid for his tooth?
Levi: *cries*
Mom: Dallin! Stop licking the salt and pepper shakers. ugh!
Mom: Can we go home now?

Dallin: Does Levi have pink teeth?
Me: Those are his gums. He doesn't have teeth yet.

The boys came to visit me at the hospital 
Weston: Welcome to the world Levi!
Dallin: *points at my stomach* when is the other one coming out?

Some parents teach their children not to tattle. We encourage Weston to do it.
Weston: DALLIN IS ON TOP OF THE TV!!

So we had Chinese take-out for dinner. It came with 3 boxes of white rice. The boys didn't eat their dinner and I was tired of arguing with them so I sent them upstairs to play. A while later Dallin comes downstairs and says "Can you clean me up?" He had white rice all over his hands. I look at the table and there are no containers of white rice on the table. I don't know how I missed a 3-year old taking 3 containers full of rice upstairs, but you can imagine what he did with them. When I went to look for them, I found 3 empty containers.

Mike: It doesn't fit.
Dallin: IT DO FITS!
And now Mike's new favorite word is "dofits". He keeps calling me a dofits.

While shopping at Costco, Dallin spots something on a shelf that he wants. As we walked past Dallin says, "Oh mama, look at that! Mama, I wanna show you something! Mama, make a U-turn!!!"

Mike took the boys on a hike. As they climbed a steep hill, Dallin says, "This hill is HEAVY!"

Weston: Can we go out for ice cream tonight?
Me: No, not tonight.
Weston: Don't you mean 'yes'?

I thought I had out-smarted Dallin by turning his bedroom doorknob around allowing me to lock it from the outside. It was working just fine until today, when he figured out how to unlock it with a penny he had hiding in his room. 

I was hearing Dallin playing quietly in my bedroom. I walked in and said, "Dallin, are you being good?" He gave a big smile and shook his head "no".

Witness the birth of a class clown:

Weston: Mommy, while I was waiting for my bus to come, I started making a face and saying (in a funny voice) 'I have a big mouth'.  All the kids were laughing at me and I LIKED it!!!

Out of the blue:

Weston: Daddy will you teach me how to pay taxes?
Mike: whaaa? Why do you need to know that?
Weston: So that I can pay them!!

We just got back from Back to School night. After Weston's teacher finished talking she came over to Mike and I and said that while she was hanging up a number line high on the wall last week, Weston called out, "Shouldn't a MAN be doing that?"

Weston and Dallin are wrestling all over the living room. Dallin keeps getting hurt and coming to me for sympathy. Every time he comes to me I say "If you wrestle with Weston, you are going to get hurt." and he runs off to wrestle some more.

At the doctor's office.
Nurse: Weston has perfect hearing!
Me: HA! I disagree.

Weston comes home from his first day in 1st grade and says, "Mom, am I in high school now?"

Setting: We are driving home from vacation in NC and the boys are eating granola bars.  Mike looks back and tells me that Dallin has fallen asleep while holding his granola bar. Weston chimes in: yeah, so I just took his granola bar. We couldn't stop laughing over the fact that Weston noticed Dallin had fallen asleep and took the opportunity to swipe the top half of his granola bar right out of his sleeping fist.

Random comments by Weston:

"I need to learn to pay taxes."

What???? Why do you need to learn to pay taxes?

Weston: Because I don't know how to!

Dallin watching a commercial for the latest action movie on tv:
"Stop fighting guys!!!"

Weston: Mamma, I need to talk to the baby. Open your mouth.
Me: *opens mouth wide*
Weston: *shouts into my open mouth* BABY! CAN YOU HEAR ME? I'M YOUR BIG BROTHER!
Me: I think he can hear you better if you just talk to my tummy.

Mike put Weston in time-out for not listening. Then he came and put me in time out for online shopping.

At night, before bed, we go upstairs and check on the sleeping boys;

Weston is always asleep in the same position he was in when we turned the light off. Snug in his bed, cuddling George.

When we check on Dallin, the air vent is pulled up out of the floor and who knows what toys have been stuffed down there; the wipes are all pulled out of their container and they are in piles all over the room; boxes of old clothes have been pulled out of the closet and are thrown all over the room; the bed has been pushed away from the wall and Dallin is asleep under it.

Weston: Mom, why do you lock the door when we leave, but if daddy is home you don't lock it?
Mom: We lock the door to keep out bad guys. If daddy is home, he can beat up the bad guys.
Weston: *swells with pride* yeah!

A week later, while leaving daddy at home:
Weston: Don't forget to leave the door open so daddy can get the bad guys.

A week later, daddy isn't home:
Weston: Mommy, I don't see any bad guys. Would you leave the door open?
Mom: Sorry bud, I just don't trust George's ability to fight the bad guys.
Weston: *disappointed* aww

We have been showing Dallin videos of the Olympic gymnasts because we think he is a budding gymnast. Now when he jumps off the bed/couch/dresser/etc, we say "stick the landing" and he puts his arms up.

Weston: Daddy, you need to go to the office so mommy can have money!
Daddy: Huh?
Mommy: He thinks if you work from home you are not making any money.

We had dinner out at Cafe Rio. They have a big bowl of mints for after dinner and Weston asked if he could have one. I said, "Sure. Go and get one."Weston replied, "I can't go by myself! People will think I'm an orphan!!!!"

Weston asked the other day what "mighty" means. I said it was something "big and strong". This weekend we had a big storm come through and it broke trees and knocked out power for 3 days. Weston keep referring to the "mighty storm".

"no somersaults at the dinner table."

Dallin's words for "Bishop" and "space ship" are one in the same.

Weston is a lover of words. Whenever he hears a new word he comes to me for the definition. Recently he asked me what "specific" and "terrorize" mean.  Then today he asked me what the demustardifyer is. I said "I don't think that's a word". He said "Yes it is, It's something that cleans up mustard".

Me: Did the tooth fairy come???
Weston: No, I didn't get any presents.
Me: Presents? The tooth fairy doesn't leave presents, she leaves money! Get back upstairs and look under your pillow!

Dallin made up his own theme music that he sings occasionally as he plays. It would be adorable if it didn't sound very close to Darth Vadar's theme music. And Dallin has never seen or heard Star Wars.

Weston: That was yum-a-licious!

Weston brought home a paper box he made at school.
Me: Hey, that's a great looking box!
Weston: It's not a box, it's a rectangular prism.

Dallin's new favorite phrase:

Ut da...!?! (as in, "What the..!?!")
and
ut da heck!?!

When Weston likes something sometimes he says "I hurricane like it". If he likes it a little than he "Tornado likes it".  Yesterday in the car he was looking at my watch and says: "I like your watch, momma. I hurricane like your watch.  I HURRICANE ANDREW like your watch, momma!"

Grandpa John is the one who taught Weston about Hurricane Andrew.

Weston's homework assignment was to read a paper about "Buttons" the dog and then write a sentence on the back of the paper about "Buttons".  His sentence: Some of my shirts have buttons.

Putting Dallin down for a nap:

Mom: How about if you just lay down and take a little nap?
Dallin: NOOOOOO! BIG nap!

I frequently send Weston to go check on Dallin if he is playing too quietly.  Recently, I called upstairs to Weston, "Is Dallin being a good boy?" and Dallin is the one who responded, "YES!"