Dad: Where is Weston?
Mom: In the bathroom going poo. Do you want to know how I know he is going poo?
Dad: How?
Mom: There was lots of dramatic grunting followed by an "I GOT IT!"

Most kids learning to speak mispronounce the letter "L" by replacing it with a "W" sound. Dallin replaces it with they "y" sound.
Yiddle
Yight
Yevi

'Twas the night before Christmas and the children wanted to know what was for dinner. The mommy replied, "Kraft Macaroni and Cheese". And there was much rejoicing.

Looking over a book about space, Weston points out "Venus rhymes with penis".

Giving Levi a diaper change:
Step 1: Gather supplies. New diaper, vaseline for the circumcision, diaper rash cream and wipes. Also  grab a another adult, as this is a 2-person job.
Step 2: Open up new diaper and coat the front with vaseline to prevent the circumcision from sticking.
Step 3: Undress baby and pry his legs out of fetal position. This is difficult.
Step 4: Remove diaper and clean poo from butt. Put new diaper under him.
Step 5: Shield yourself from pee that shoots fast and as far as 5 feet (we've measured the splatter pattern).
Step 6: Grab nearest burp cloth to cover penis and sop up puddles that are within reach. (One handed as you are still trying to hold his feet away from circumcised penis).
Step 7: Clean up the poo that came out along with the pee.
Step 8: Grab new diaper and apply vaseline to the front.
Step 9: Apply apply cream to butt and vaseline to circumcision.
Step 10: Send second adult to find another outfit, as this one is now peed on.
Step 11: Dress baby.
Step 12: Repeat steps 2-11 because he just pooped in his diaper again before you could get him dressed.

Weston: what temperature does it need to be to snow?
Mom: 32 degrees
Weston: Would you check the weather online and see if it's 32 degrees?  If it's not, just use your mouse to highlight the numbers, press 'delete' and type in '32'.

Weston pokes his head inside from playing in the snow and says, "I just told Heavenly Father to make it snow faster and it worked!"

First time out to dinner with 3 children:

Mom: Dallin sit down.
Weston: My tooth is loose.
Levi: zzzzzzzzzzz.....
Mom: Dallin, eat your dinner.
Mom: Weston, eat your dinner.
Mom: Dallin, don't play with the sugar packets. Eat your dinner.
Weston: MY TOOTH CAME OUT!
Levi: *cries*
Mom: Weston, stop playing with your tooth or you are going to drop it.
Weston: (to the waitress) LOOK! I lost my tooth!!!
Mom: Dallin, turn around and eat your dinner!
Weston: I dropped my tooth!!
Mom: (to the waitress) May we have a cup with a lid for his tooth?
Levi: *cries*
Mom: Dallin! Stop licking the salt and pepper shakers. ugh!
Mom: Can we go home now?

Dallin: Does Levi have pink teeth?
Me: Those are his gums. He doesn't have teeth yet.

The boys came to visit me at the hospital 
Weston: Welcome to the world Levi!
Dallin: *points at my stomach* when is the other one coming out?