I should have known there was trouble when I walked into the boys bathroom and it smelled good. Dallin had squirted half of the Costco sized bottle of baby shampoo all over the toilet and wall. It was all down the wall, a giant puddle behind and on both sides of the toilet, dripping down the sides of the toilet and if I press on the baseboard, soap oozes out from underneath. 

The trash can in the boys bathroom is full of torn pieces of unused toilet paper. According to dallin, the toilet paper "wouldn't tear in a straight line" and was therefore unusable. 

Sitting at the dinner table, Dallin has a glazed over look on his face and is not eating.

Dad: is something wrong?

Dallin: no. I'm just waiting for my penis to get small again. 

Dallin: Is stupid the magic word?

Putting shoes on Levi has the same effect as putting tape on a cat's paw. 

They will walk funny and stop at nothing to get it off. 

Mom: Weston, what should we make for dessert tonight?
Weston: Um, brownies, cookies or angel food cake.
Mom: I have this yellow cake mix, we could make it with chocolate frosting.
Weston: Brownies, cookies or angel food cake.
Mom: I don't have any angel food cake.
Weston: Then brownies or cookies.
Mom: I don't like brownies.
Weston: Then cookies.
Mom: But I want to make up this yellow cake mix.
Weston: THEN WHY DID YOU ASK ME?!?!?!
Mom: (laughing at how ridiculous I sound) I'm just trying to get you ready for marriage!

Weston: what are you cooking?

Me: I'm making homemade baby food. 

Weston: Good job saving money so we can go on that trip!!!