I refilled the soap dispenser in the boys bathroom yesterday. Today I find dallin in the bathroom with the sink overflowing with bubbles and an empty soap container. 

Find dallin washing his hands after going to the bathroom with his pants and underwear around his ankles. 

Me: D you've got to pull your pants up. D: But I didn't wipe yet. 

I pulled out my laminator to laminate a new behavior chart for the boys - in hopes that I won't need to yell as much. I came around the corner and Dallin says "look ma! This thing fits chips!" 

HE IS STUFFING TORTILLA CHIPS IN MY LAMINATOR!!!!!

Dallin: I have a game. It's called fling the dinner. 

Dallin has to dress up for school. We are in a hurry so I help him out. I put on on shirt, button it up. Put on his tie, and suit coat. I hand him his suit pants and dress socks. I tell him to put them on and meet me down stairs. I move on to get Levi dressed and make breakfast. 10 minutes later dallin comes down stairs wearing the wrong pair of pants and holding a pair of white socks. How does this happen?

Hey mom perry the platypus is...

Me: wait. Perry is a platypus?

Yes. 

Are you sure? I thought he was a cat!

No. He's a platypus?

Are you sure? The green one with the tangerine colored mouth? I thought it was a cat?

Weston: ........... let's move on. 

Weston: hey mama there is this funny thing on phineas and ferb oh hey those nutri grain bars are low fat that's good news!

I asked the five-year-old to clean up his mess. He said "no thank you." Do I get points for having a polite, defiant child?

Mike brought the boys home from shopping for my Christmas present. 

Me: what did you get me?

Weston: I'm not telling you!

Me: I'll give you a marshmallow if you tell me. 

Weston: we got you fuzzy socks and...

Me: STOP STOP STOP! I WAS KIDDING! DON'T TELL ME!

Dallin drank the sacrament water and burped loudly. 😣

Weston makes his action figure do the splits.

Weston: Mom, this is something we do in gymnastics. Doesn't it look like it hurts? I don't understand why all the girls can do it but I can't.